So you wanna get to know me?

"I'm Nobody! Who are you?

Are you – Nobody – too?" I’m Nobody! Who are you? (Emily Dickinson)

Hasn't it happened to you that someone asks you to tell him/she something about you, to describe yourself, and you just stand there with this confused looked because your mind just went blank and apparently you know nothing about yourself? Well, that’s the story of my life. I have a blank page to fill with who I am, to give you a brief summary of my life, and yet I have nothing to tell. So, let’s start with my name. Hi, I'm Jeanette Liz Janice Marquez Rodriguez (long name, I know) and I study chemical engineering in the University of Puerto Rico-Mayaguez. This semester I decided to get out of my comfort zone, and took courses in the Rio Piedras campus. Who am I kidding? I was practically force to come here for personal, health and family reasons. But that’s a topic for some other time. Now let’s talk about me. Well, I hate talking about myself and having the attention on me.  I'm a very reserved person, and I don't like to bother or make other people uncomfortable with my presence. And that’s the thing, I think I bother everyone so I'm always scared to meet new people or even talk to my actual friends. I don’t talk about my situations, worries or stuff that happens to me because I truly believe people don't care about me or my life.

But here I go, and I'll give it a try. I love to watch series, movies and read books. Watching moving pictures help me see a new perspective of situations and life. The acting and the way a person and a setting can catch and create feelings in me, it’s magical. Not all movies/series can do that, but when you find the right one, it’s magical. Meanwhile, reading a book makes my imagination gets to work and you can learn so many things by doing it. I found pleasure in my readings, because there is no best feeling to reading a good book, and study the different points of view that other people may have. The way your mind creates the setting and characters, even if it’s an autobiography, you find things you never thought you would experience. Like my mother would say, “When I read books, I travel to places I've never been, without moving from my bed.” Doesn’t mean she won't like to travel but that it gives her more inspiration to do it.

I love to dance, its one of my biggest passions in life. I believe I'm a nice, considerate person who will give anything for the persons she loves; even tho some people may consider me a total B. I never had a normal childhood, or a normal family, and I had to go through some rough stuff to get to where I am today, and I don't regret any of it. All those situations taught me how to be the strong person I am today. I’m not a positive or negative but a realistic one. I know how things work, and I don't expect more or less than what life is.  I consider myself a walking paradox, a walking self-contradicting disaster. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m lazy, yet I’m ambitious. I say I don’t care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way. I’m a conflicted contradiction. If I can’t figure myself out, there’s no way anyone else has.

 I’m not scared of taking things to an extreme; actually I am an extreme person. I don’t like in-betweens, I prefer all or nothing; and yeah I understand that sometimes we have to settle to what we have, but why? Why settle to something less, if I can achieve better things in life? I believe that if I work hard enough, someday it will all pay off. I believe that to give up, it’s a waste of time. I want to be different from my family, and I want to become a better person. I want to be successful, and I have my goals clear, and I almost lost track of them, but here I am again, because if I don’t try then I won't get anywhere in life. But also, I am lost in life. I don't even know myself, my taste or preferences.

So, you want to get to know me? Good luck.